


reverse

by yuminpa



Category: A Hat in Time (Video Game)
Genre: DJ Grooves make up your mind challenge, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Like you gonna be a dick, M/M, Nihilism, i don't know!, nobody knows!, or a nice guy, suicide attempt(?)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-29
Updated: 2020-01-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:00:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22456864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuminpa/pseuds/yuminpa
Summary: someone isn't happy about time being reversed.
Relationships: The Conductor/DJ Grooves (A Hat in Time)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 82





	reverse

**Author's Note:**

> another thing relating to necktie.  
> i mean,,, it's not, but it's mentioned in this, i guess. so it happened before this.  
> i don't think this'll be as good as say necktie or tipsy, which i think were both pecking phenomenal, but we'll see. :)

What was going ON!?

Too much for them— too much for anyone to cope. The only ones who could sort of keep it together, were the ones fighting: Hat Kid and Mustache Girl, and Hat Kid was only barely hanging onto her scarce patience.  
Everything had seemed to be a blur, to everyone involved; the bright galaxy-like sky, the hypnotising colourful floor that was almost blinding, so many creatures at once yelling at Hat Kid, all so hoping she would win—

So many things at once!

Even for the people that helped, like those countless Mafia and the Conductor, and the Snatcher and the goat— even for them, everything was painfully blurry.  
None of them knew what was going on at first, really; all they knew was that Hat Kid was their friend and Mustache Girl needed to get lost.  
It didn't last long— only a minute— until Mustache Girl started to yell. 

“ENOUGH!” 

She was levitating now, her purple luminescent laser-beam like attack now running around the whole arena. Each time it went round, a flurry of bursting noises ran through at the same time, soon accompanied by some whimpering, very obviously made by some hurt Express Owls, that were no longer there.  
Pure horror struck the poor Hat Kid’s face; seeing oh so many of her friends get killed right there — right in front of her — hurt, and she froze, tears staining her cyan eyes.  
But then, a Mafia Goon bravely spoke up, his voice clear, and time seemed to slow.  
“Oh— when Mafia explode, Mafia drop useful Pons! This gives Mafia an idea!” He paused, and looked towards his friend, and then continued. “Little hat girl need help to turn back time. If Mafia explode, little hat girl get useful Pons. Mafia has to EXPLODE to save world!”  
Though he was rather worried, a stern expression was on his face; and then his friend, who looked rather afraid, turned to him.  
“What!? Plan is CRAZY!”  
And then a smile came on the Mafia Goon’s face as he spoke up again.  
“Fellow Mafia no worry. If little girl succeed, Mafia come back when time rewinds! Now...PUNCH ME with all of your might, fellow Mafia! No hesitation!”  
They both looked worried for a second, but that expression faltered quickly after, a stern expression now covering up their fear. And then yelled simultaneously: “Red-hooded girl… GET LOST!”

Once they said their words, the Mafia Goon’s friend punched him with all of his might, like he said to.  
It felt…strange; he didn't want to, but he knew it was for the best. 

Like most people watching, DJ Grooves watched the short situation in nothing but panic.  
He wouldn't have to do that, would he? He wouldn't have to kill anyone, and nobody would have to kill him, right?  
He really didn't want to die or hurt anyone else…even if they were going to come back afterwards, he still didn't want to go through that.  
He turned to look at the Conductor, thinking he would be panicking too— but he wasn't.  
In fact, a smirk was on his face, and he started to chuckle, not looking away from the now alone Mafia Goon.  
“…Those Mafia lads, so foolishly brave.” He started, folding his arms. “But eh, what's the point in livin’ if I ain't got me train, anyway?”  
Why did he even add in the bit about his train?  
Both of them knew that — with his train or not — Conductor never saw the point in living.  
Adding the small bit about his train didn't make the fact he felt like that any less alarming.  
Finally, though, he did look away, now looking at Grooves, who was even more scared than he was before.  
Not for Conductor himself, nor for his own safety. 

Grooves was scared of the aftermath. 

They would be back, and it would be a happy and relieving occasion for most of them; but Conductors emotions…since he didn't know they were going to come back; (if he knew he would've said something) he probably didn't hear exactly what the Mafia Goons said—

How would his emotions work? After three whole suicide attempts, this one potentially being another failure; how would he feel…?

Not. Good. And it was scary.  
He couldn't deal with such intense emotions again…

Grooves was overcome with worry; but the Conductor started up again.  
“Alright, DJ Grooves. The two of us are gonna help this little hat lass!”  
There was a determined but relieved grin on his face. He finally looked happy.  
At peace; but that's not a good thing.

They both knew what he was thinking.

But as soon as Grooves heard what Conductor said, he looked at him in disbelief. “Two!? I didn’t—”  
“Grooves you basically don't have a choice at this point! None of us do!” The smile on his face faltered. This now bleak expression spoke a language that only the duo could understand; and once he understood, Grooves’ face was hit with doubt; and he remembered how scared he was of the aftermath.  
But then Conductor spoke up again, his voice wavering. “Get ready for a mean punch, and you better aim for my face; that's me weak spot!...”  
Grooves hesitated for a moment, and a faint smile appeared on his face, even though he really wasn't happy. “I really don't want to.”  
At all of the hesitation, Conductor was starting to get angry.  
He just wanted to get this over with! Just let him die already, without anybody telling him ‘no’!

His favourite person was going to do it, too.

But, just this once, he managed to contain this frustration.  
“Gah— c’mon— fer me? Fer the hatted lass? We know you love her and right now she needs help.”  
The two were silent for a moment. After that moment, though, Grooves nodded and then mumbled something under his breath — something involving the word ‘love’, that was all Conductor could get. 

He wondered what it meant, though. Who did he love…?

But he couldn't dwell on that; they had something to do.  
A gentle smile was still on the Conductor’s face, until the quick, simultaneous punch delivered to each other hit. And then the smile faltered.  
It hurt, but only just for a second. 

And then there was absolutely nothing.  
Conductor hadn't felt that much peace in years. Nobody was going to miss him or be hurt, because as far as he knew, nobody would be alive to express such empathy!  
The only person he felt would care would be Grooves, but he didn't know everyone was going to come back— so all he knew, Grooves was dead, too. 

Reduced to Pons. 

This was the happiest Conductor had been in so, so long, and if he could, if he knew what was going on, he'd smile. 

But then the nothingness stopped, the empty void: gone.  
His eyes fluttered open, though they weren't visible; and he woke up to talking, most of which he couldn't hear well; he was stuck in a trance and, although it was unusual for an owl, he couldn't hear very well, either.  
But all he could see was red, and then he slowly but surely sat up, looking at what was around him.  
Looks like he was the last one; everyone else was already up, and freaking out, it seemed. 

‘Is this the afterlife, or…’ He started to think, but then the realisation hit.  
He could feel his own heartbeat racing once he put his hand up to his chest, which quickly rose and fell with every shaky breath he took—

He was alive. He was here.

Oh my God.

No…

“You're joking…” He started to whisper to himself, and then his eyes darted across the room, only looking for one singular person: Grooves, who was coincidentally doing the same thing once he heard the quiet voice.  
The two both locked eye contact, and even though Grooves couldn't see Conductor’s eyes, he knew they were filled with doubt, or an emotion he couldn't quite pin down— but it was definitely negative.  
They both looked…scared. Though they both knew the moon penguin wasn't. At least as scared as Conductor was. 

He was still stuck in a trance for the additional thirty seconds everyone remained in the room. Quickly, though, they all ran out, and he assumed they were off to find Hat Kid.  
Someone who had a high pitched voice— he couldn't tell who— then asked Grooves a question, and only when he answered the girl Conductor snapped out of his trance.  
“Not yet, darling. We'll catch up with you and the rest later.”

“Are you sure? You can't take long!” The girl spoke up. He didn't recognise the voice— but he knew the girl had a Southern accent. 

“Yes! We won't take long. Don't wait up for us, though!”

“Okay…” and then the girl was gone: silence, and now the only two in the room were Conductor and Grooves. Well, so was Mustache Girl, but she was too busy wallowing in her own pity to pay attention to anything going on adjacent to her. 

Right?...  
Hopefully.  
After a short moment of silence, Grooves started to speak, slight urgency in his voice. “Look, darling— I know you're confused, but I can try to explain.”  
“I'm…” Conductor slowly got up, placing his hand on his chest in pure disbelief. “...I'm more mad than confused…I was 'sposed ta die, wasn't I!?”  
“Uhhh, about that…I should've told you we were supposed to come back…the little girl turned back time, I think. That's how we game back. Didn't you listen to those Mafia guys…?”  
“I...I did, but… I didn't hear them say that…” He took his hand off his chest, and the urge to place them both around his neck took over— but common sense prevailed.  
Mostly…  
So much was going on in his mind, but he daren't say it all; he felt like someone besides Grooves was listening.  
“I was so close, it…it- even happened for a while!” A smile appeared on his face, and although he wasn't happy at all, he put his hand on his hand and started to giggle; but it wasn't a happy sounding giggle, almost like a furious one. 

For a moment, Mustache Girl thought this man was insane— laughing when he so desperately wanted to die— but Grooves knew what to do, somehow.  
Anyone would think they'd known each other for years— and they had, but had only just become…friends. 

Close friends. 

“Look.” The moon penguin placed his hands on Conductor’s shoulders, and quickly he stopped laughing. In fact, his whole smile faltered and he took his own hand away from his head. “I'm looking.”  
“I know…you're shocked about this. And I know you're scared, probably a little sad or angry even, but—”  
“I'm not sad…! This isn't affecting me!” His voice started to sound brittle, and he looked down.  
Grooves started to laugh, though the situation wasn't funny. “Darling, have you ever realised how bad of a liar you are?”  
“I'm not lying! I don't lie!” He kept his head down, and sooner or later he could feel his eyes welling up with tears, that quickly came down, and once he realised they were falling down, he just let them all out, sobbing. 

When Mustache Girl heard that, she felt alarmed, and felt the need to help; but she couldn't make herself known! They probably didn't even know she was there!  
But she felt sympathetic for this owl…whom she thought was insane for a moment. 

“Okay…yeah, maybe I was lying…” His voice was even more shakier than last time, and his ears were back and flat against his head, as if he was afraid.  
And afraid he was— but none of them could quite understand why. 

Almost like a parallel of the ‘necktie situation’ as they called it, and both of them could see the similarities.  
A broken owl breaking down in front of his ‘enemy’ yet again, except, this time they weren't enemies, they were friends, possibly even more, it was confusing; and this time Conductor actually succeeded in what he wanted to do, and this time…Grooves wasn't mad.  
He wasn't angry.  
He was more sad than anything.  
The fact Conductor felt like this, and felt so much visible happiness when they both finally ended up gone; it hurt and tugged and seized at his heart.  
“I'm not mad at you this time,” He started to speak, his voice as gentle as possible. Though Conductor kept crying, and never stopped, he knew he was listening. “I was never mad at you. Even though I have yelled at you earlier…I was never truly mad at YOU. Okay?”  
Though it took him a while to respond, Conductor nodded. It was communication; albeit nonverbal; but communication nonetheless and that was fine. And then Grooves continued.  
“I know you're upset. I mean…I think I would be. You've tried…erm, suicide…three times already, and failing a fourth is going to hurt! I know you're hurt!”  
“O-of course I am! If you've been feeling like this for… for so long…four suicide attempts aren't going to help…I just want to die, y’know? I've tried four times! None of them worked!” He looked up, and he was smiling, although the tears streaming down his face and his slight shaking made it obvious that he really wasn't okay. 

Not that the smiling made him seem okay, though, and it quickly faded anyway and he looked back down, as if he was in shame or embarrassed, perhaps. 

Grooves didn’t know what exactly to say; but he had a vague idea.  
“I know...I know you want that. I know you've tried so much and I know every failed attempt makes you feel even worse, but you don't have to go through this! Alone! You don't have to go through anything alone, or end it like that!”  
“...”  
“I know it's hard to believe but I'm here! For! You! Darling! I can try to help…! I'm not the best and I'm not a professional, I'm not even close to one but…maybe I can help you see that life is actually worth living.”  
Conductor sighed, his voice sounding less shaky and brittle. He was calming down, hopefully.  
“It's really not, though…I don't get it! There's nothing for me left. What's the point in living if there ain't anything left to live for!?”  
Grooves stayed silent for a moment. He knew what to say, but what the owl had said needed to sink in for a moment.  
There was so much wrong about that statement. 

So much. 

Too much. 

He sighed, and started to speak again, his voice awfully quiet. “Conductor, darling, you—…there is so much to live for and it actually hurts that you aren't seeing any of it.”  
He paused, waiting for Conductor to respond, but he said nothing, only nodded.  
Which was fine.  
So he continued. “There are tons of things out there. They probably won't be huge things, that could change the whole world— but that's fine. As long as it's one thing. Plus, think about everyone you know. Even if they don't really like you they're going to be affected if you died. You mentioned you had grandkids— they'd be affected if you died. They probably wouldn't understand at first but they'd know. I know that.”  
“I guess…” His head was still down, so thankfully, Grooves couldn't see tears streaming down Conductor’s face again.  
But he wasn't making it obvious, either; no noises. Nobody knew he was crying except himself.  
“And your ex. Even if she is your ex, she's going to know and she's going to be hurt! Who would want to lose both their daughter and their ex!? Nobody!”  
“Peck, please don't mention her…I'm already sad as it is…” His voice got more and more unstable as every word came out.  
“I didn't want to,” He finally took his hands off Conductor’s shoulders; he was starting to look uncomfortable with that. “But I didn't really have a choice, did I? Stay here- stay alive for them, and for her! And the little girl, both of them! And…um…”

God, how was he going to say this?  
He hadn’t actually admitted anything before this point. His heart started to race, but it was okay, right!? It wasn't a confession!

“...Stay for me, too. Please.”  
Upon hearing that, though he had heard Grooves say things along those lines before; he looked up, his head tilted. “Huh?”  
The penguin nodded, and he tried to conceal the sudden tears in his eyes— which was surprisingly easy. 

“Yeah. I know it's absolutely crazy to hear someone say that, especially when they're supposed to be, like, your lifelong rival or something— but I care about you. A lot. I always have, ever since we started sharing that studio. Even if you were always a bit angry and never encouraged your owls like you should— that was fine. Because I'm an idiot.”

“…” A faint smile was appearing on Conductor’s face, and maybe a slight blush too. Though nothing was romantic— right?

“But then I found out how bad you felt. And you didn't go to anyone about it. You just…went straight in with…Train Rush. In all due respect I didn't know it was a suicide attempt at first, but then you told me, and—”

“I know.” The smile and the slight pink hue in his cheeks disappeared. He looked as if he felt nothing but shame now. “I know…”

“But then that failed. Later, you…oh God…the necktie situation. That…it hurts to think about! You still have that cut up purple tie on the floor in the basement, don't you…?”

“Yeah…and I dunno why.” He looked up again, making eye contact with the penguin. “I just…I don't…have ta heart to take it out. Even though it makes me feel sad I don't care…please don't mention it near me, though! I hate talking about it…”  
The short moment the duo’s eyes were locked was cut short, as bow Conductor was facing the ground again.  
Grooves only nodded; he couldn't do much other than respect what Conductor said…and just get straight to the point.  
“I'll try not to bring it up again. But...but…what I'm trying to say is I really really don't want you to go. Right now I care about you more than anyone else— peck, I could probably say I love you! I...do. And I don't want you to go.”

Though Conductor’s face was lowered, Grooves could still see the sudden bright pink hue covering his cheeks and the bright smile he was trying to hide. Though it wasn't a ‘confession’ of any sort— Grooves was barely ready for that— he could tell Conductor felt the exact same. 

And he smiled. He smiled even more when he realised how happy the owl looked at that moment. He knew that he wasn't, he was far from happy; but still, seeing such a cheeky smile on his face told him, that he was doing exactly what had to be done. 

That's all the owl wanted. Affection. That's it. 

So, Grooves got down to his height and grabbed both of Conductor’s hands and looked him in the eyes, much to his surprise.  
His smile wasn't on his face anymore, but the fact that he was a blushing mess stayed.  
It was hard for Grooves to contain his smile right there, but he did have to.  
“I know I don't ever call you by your real name, darling, but…Connor, can you promise me something?”  
Conductor’s eyes widened at the use of his real name; he hadn't heard that in ages!  
Seen it in legal documents and bills, sure, but someone actually saying it!?  
Anyway, he couldn't dwell on that. “Depends what the promise is.”  
“Can you promise me not to try and hurt yourself again? Let alone kill yourself…?”  
“Um…” He seemed unsure for a moment, but then a smirk appeared on his face and he nodded. “I can...try.”  
“And if you feel upset you can come to me, you know that, right?”  
“Yeah.”

Bright smiles appeared on the two’s faces, and not very long after, they were both brought into a hug. 

“You make me want to stay.”

Although they both weren't very happy, it looked like they were, to Mustache Girl, who was now hiding behind a pillar, watching. 

The likeliness of Conductor doing anything was still high. He could still feel these things, and he could still be gone without a trace; and Grooves knew that. He knew Conductor was still going to feel awful, and useless, and scared, and alone, and as if he was drowning and nobody was coming to help— he knew those thoughts still existed. 

Just...hopefully, HOPEFULLY. Conductor could find the courage to talk to Grooves more, instead of resorting back to drinking and other awful habits.  
One awful habit showed easily; from the red dotted lines scattered on his arms.  
There were more, but drinking and...that were the worst. 

They had to stop. 

All Grooves wanted to do was help, and he felt as if he was doing something right for once in his life. 

:)

“Now, we need to go find Hat Kid before she leaves.”

“She better not! She was, like, thirty percent of my impulse control.”

**Author's Note:**

> Haha. Lovebirds!


End file.
